Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Viewer Discretion Is Advised

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog posting for an emergency broadcast from AFCY (Advocates For Clean Yarn).

In the late evening hours of Wednesday, July 25, 2007 an innocent knitter's yarn stash was brutally urinated on. The suspect is described as a one foot tall, male, siamese tabby with blue eyes and white and grey fur. He is known by the name of Mr Whiskers. An interview with the victim follows:

Reporter: Stephanie, how has this senseless crime made you feel?

Stephanie: @!#$%^&$ * (&$?(*&;^:{>? * *#@"'^;?>!! +=_-&* %!!##@ {Sob} $~`&"???! > {sob} {sob} WHY MEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?

Reporter: It's okay. Take a moment to compose yourself......................................................
Now Stephanie, has Mr. Whiskers ever exhibited behavior like this in the past?

Stephanie: No. And that's what makes this all so shocking. We had just moved and apparently in all the confusion, he mistook a basket of yarn for his litter box - they're very similar in shape and size. Either that, or it was sheer laziness or even revenge for having the audacity to disrupt his peaceful little kitty world by moving.

Reporter: Thank you, Stephanie.

And in typical feline behavior, where only the best will do, the basket contained high quality yarns made of luxury fibers by Rowan, Jaeger, and Classic Elite. Mr Whiskers calculatingly bypassed the basket of crap yarn made by Red Heart and Caron.

A trial was held the very same day in the case of Stephanie vs Mr.Whiskers. The appointed Judge was Stephanie. The plaintiff's lawyer was Stephanie. When asked if he wanted to exercise his right for legal council, the defendant's response was "Meow", which we all know does not mean "yes". The jury was Stephanie. The evidence submitted was:

A) Mr. Whiskers is the only cat in the house.

B) When the victim checked the litter box, she discovered it had not been used in the entire two days since they'd arrived at the house.

C) When asked who urinated in the yarn basket, Mr. Whiskers responded by saying ME(ow).

There you have it folks - a confession. He then proceeded to stare blankly ahead and show no signs of remorse. And I think I'm correct when I say, such cold, heartless behavior didn't win him any points with the jury.

A ball of Rowan Cotton Glace took the stand. And in a heart-wrenching account that left not a single dry eye in the courtroom, told of how ever since it had been a tiny little cotton plant growing in the fields, it had big dreams of being a lacy tank top, or even a fair isle cardigan. And now all those dreams may be shattered.

The jury debated for thirty seconds and then announced a verdict of "Guilty of first degree yarn defacement."

A sentence of immediate banishment to the laundry room was imposed, where Mr.Whiskers will remain for a minimum of one day, with a possibility of parole for good behavior (using the litter box).

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

Hi every one. I've been wanting to post for the last few days, but I'm currently locked in a standoff with my computer. I'm trying to set up a wireless Internet connection, and so far the computer is kicking my butt. I'm writing this post from a friend's computer. I've made progress on the lilac colored side tie vest from Vogue Knitting (Spring/Summer 2006 for anyone who was wondering). I've finished the back and left the shoulder stitches on holders so I can try my hand at joining the shoulder seam with the kitchener stitch. I saw side-by-side comparison photos in a magazine recently, between shoulders done with kitchener stitch and the so called "invisible" horizontal seam that I normally use, which leaves that not so invisible ridge.
I'm about halfway done with left front. I've run into to some possible problems with the pattern. The maths are just not adding up, and if I knit as the instructions tell me, the actual knitted piece does not look the same as the schematic. I went to the Vogue Knitting website to check for errata before I even cast on. I don't know if you've ever looked at their errata page(s) before, but from the sheer number of mistakes in each and every issue, I made a mental note to always check for errors before starting one of their patterns. Anyway, there was a mistake with the pattern, which I wrote down and followed accordingly. But it's a whole other part of the pattern I'm having problems with. I know I'm being kind of vague, but I want to have pictures to show when I go into detail about it. And that won't happen until I can convince my computer that we make a better team than enemies.

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